Homework 9: Beat Poem

Brother Dearest


When mom was trying to convince you not to smoke marijuana
Because you were fourteen
Already kicked out of one school
For being a troubled kid
You screamed so loud the house shook
Windows reverberating
Walls shuddering
Doors rattling

A sudden, swollen swarm of insults unleashed like a plague
A pestilence so determined to overtake everything
Your tongue the same fire they warn us about
In catechism
In mass
In the fucking bible
In that moment
You were Hell

And she started weeping,
Locking herself in my room with me
Scooping me up in her arms
Recreating the Madonna and Child
And crying into my hair
Lips reciting prayers
Listing Latin and Psalm
Into my scalp

As your storm pounded on my door
Until Dad came home
And with a single exchange
The tempest ceased
Waters calmed
Plagues undone
The house a home again
But cracked

You had kicked holes in the wall
In defiance
In desperation
I don't know
But the holes were there
And you patched them later
But it was sloppy
And we always knew what was under the paint

We lived like this for years
You shouting at mom
For her asking you to turn down your guitar
For her asking you to pull up your grades
For her asking you to be nicer with your words
For her asking you to be nicer to us
For her asking you to do anything
For her just being there

I will never believe you've changed
Even though you've gone to college
Even though you graduated
Even though you've got a house you share
Even though you've got a job
Even though you keep insisting
Even though you keep saying all these things
It's always just talk

Your name means 'traitor of God'
I will always remember the fights
I will always remember the shouting
I will always remember the sobbing
I will always remember what you've done
I will take it with me to my grave
And you will to yours
For the wicked do not go unpunished